The Stuff Your Stockings Blog Hop

HO HO HO! Welcome to the next stop on the The Stuff Your Stockings Blog Hop! I hope you’ve had a blast on the tour so far. For fun I’ve decided to share some funny things I found about Christmas over at this blog. What’s Christmas if you can’t have some serious laughs! If you've fallen off the tour return here to get back on! Enjoy!

WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN

A Christmas tree is always erect.

Even small ones give satisfaction.

A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.

A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.

A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.

A Christmas tree has cute balls.

A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.

You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.

You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

SANTA'S PICK UP LINES

I know when you`ve been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister!

Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

I know when you`ve been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister!

Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink wink>

I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you?

Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list!

Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

That's not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I'm just glad to see you!

THE TOP 15 *OTHER* SIGNS SANTA CLAUS IS ACTUALLY A WOMAN

15. Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.

14. Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.

13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!

12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."

11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.

10. "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.

9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.

8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.

7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It's water retention.

6. Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.

5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!

4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.

3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.

2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.

1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!

I hope you laughed as much as I did! If you’re looking for a  BDSM story to keep you warm on those cold nights, leave a comment with your email address to be entered to win a copy of ALL SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS IS HER DOM! Don’t forget to come find me on Facebook and Twitter. I love to chat! Madame Eve’s 1NightStand service has brought together Blake and Taryn on a cold Christmas Eve at the Castillo Lodge. The two will set out on an adventure of pain and pleasure surrounded by Alaskan snow-capped mountains and nestled in a warm country lodge. But as the night develops, Taryn discovers it’s not Christmas presents that will surprise her but instead the very man who mastered her through a night of intense BDSM. WARNING- This book contains explicit sexual situations, graphic language, and material that some readers may find objectionable: INTENSE BDSM theme and elements. BUY LINK

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